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I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebody? Jesus. That would. A few days later a big miner named Harvey came in the store and yelled “hey fag boy, get me a pouch of tobacco.” I knew then he was going to be first in my plan. His wife, Vivian, was a big woman, about 5'7” and 160 pounds and about 30 years old. I knew I would have go get her while she was asleep and fasten her arms to the bed posts so she could not fight me. I checked my journal and saw that in two days she would be ovulating. Harvey was working night shift , so it was perfect. In our town, nobody locked their doors, so at about 2 a.m. I sneaked into Vivian's bedroom. She was snoring, and was sleeping naked on top of the covers. I quickly covered her mouth with tape and tied her arms to the bed as she awoke. She was squirming all over the bed and her body and legs were flailing as I bent over and kissed one of her ample tits. She was making noises through her taped mouth, as I kissed the other tit—then I began to kiss her stomach. As I moved down her stomach to her.
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